dear gap, inc.:

your new commercials are not advertising genius. while i appreciate the dancereyness of the people in said commercials, the reference to the time when your commercials WERE advertising genius, with dancers, is just kind of sad. also, even if the commercials were to become brilliant enough to erase the memory of the "peace, love, and gap" song, it would not matter. because your clothes are drab. anyone who followed the commercial into the store would just leave again. i remember a time when your clothing had some promise; those were the days when we used to play "the gap game," in which we would try to walk from one end of the store to the other and back without being greeted by your misguidedly cheerful employees*. now your employees just look lonely and bored, and i have to avert my eyes as i walk by because it is depressing.

actually, you should probably just fire your advertising firm, because the new old navy commercials are just as annoying as the old ones, only without the campy, occasionally amusing consciousness of their awfulness.



*this was in canada. there was not much to do in canada, because it was probably winter. the kind of winter that makes an indoor ice rink positively balmy, so that you have to strip off your first eight layers of winter clothes until you find your t-shirt in order to be comfortable while you eat gummy apple rings and watch your sister skate.