gee, thanks.

someone just asked me if i lived with my boyfriend. not gonna lie, it was kind of depressing to reply that i've been single for the entire 25 years and two days of my life. how did i manage that? to say i'm a handful is kind of understating it, i know, but i'm not exactly raymond shaw* either.

i am almost resigned to being one of those crazy old ladies with the cats. hell, i practically am one already. i'll eventually wear lots of scarves, too, just so you know, and talk to myself even more often than i do now. but poor old invisible bob just ain't gonna cut it forever. if i have to actually come up with a personality for my imaginary boyfriend, i'm flat out going to cry. for days, possibly, once i start. it won't be pretty.

it's to the point where i don't even bother with crushes anymore (not that i did much to start with). except, i guess, for crushes on entire relationships. i do have those. because i know some couples that are absolutely adorable, often to the point of puke, and it makes me happy to watch them revel in their themness. so, you see, i can bop along in happy oblivion for amazingly long stretches of time. it's kind of like one of those principles of physics: a me in oblivion remains in oblivion until acted upon by an outside force (yeah, it's mangled. deal.). i just wish people would stop intruding into that particular bubble of delusion and reminding me of a reality i don't honestly understand too well. given the choice between a problem with the rest of the world and a problem with me, logic of course says it's me (even though in some cases it IS the world, i promise). i like solutions; if i could point to something and say "it's because i'm nucking futs and nobody loves a crazy person," i could deal better. you know, sort of. but if there's one thing i hate above all else, it's not understanding. and there you have it.

p.s. don't bother with the "you'll find someone" crap. i'm not fishing, i'm whining. there's a difference. and that shit gets old.


*manchurian candidate, the old one, the quote where everybody was lovable that summer (except, of course, mother)... or you could just smile and nod. that usually works too.