forces

i drove out to the canyon today to calm down, parked by the side of the road, and clambered on to a boulder jutting into the river. at first i just stretched my toes in, and let the roar and motion of the river drown out the world. but when i reminded myself of... myself... awhile later, i was surprised to find that i was now perched on the very edge of said boulder, folded over with my hands and most of my legs in the water, seriously considering just getting in, clothes and all. alone, when no one knew where i was, in runoff-cold water, with strong rapids a hundred feet downstream. i know i've read at least one story where someone died this way, they were drawn to the water and just wanted to touch it, to reach a little farther and feel the power of its motion, until finally they were in over their head and didn't care. it had seemed unrealistic before, stupid, but suddenly i understood...