denial ain't just a river in egypt

it's alive and kicking right next to you. you keep it on the shelf -- or even handy in your pocket -- right next to avoidance, justification, and determinedly blissful ignorance. and it's amazing how long you can go, using it and not letting yourself notice until it's way damn close to too late. rationally, the jury really ought to be out on whether it helps or hurts* and we should be able to examine past data and decide whether or not to keep using such a tactic. but does anyone ever accomplish this? (if so, can i have their name, number, and possibly contact information for their therapist?) sometimes it really does seem like the way to go -- AND you manage to get away with it. others, you know it's the wrong path as soon as you've stepped on it, yet you keep barreling on and, well, denying your denial. why can we not control the insane things we do -- and keep doing? is it really, like some contend, that we're not trying hard enough? or is there some other force at work here, do we have to meet some obscure, difficult-to-quantify need that can simply be met no other way? need i add that it drives me crazy to think about these things without being able to change either the way i behave or even, simply and mercifully, the way i think?


*yes, i'm paraphrasing from sex and the city season six part two. that's what started this chain of thought, so i might as well continue it. with credit, of course. when my friend said to watch with tissues, he wasn't kidding (and no, since you're asking, he isn't straight. but he is available...)