percolating

okay, it kind of worries me that i feel the need to do this multiple times a day (...ridding mind of tangential bonobo-sex references courtesy of informative article from pre-vet sister...). but damn it, when i actually think, it probably behooves me to record it.

do i always play with my bottom lip like that when i'm thinking, or is that just a habit of this evening? i know i can't keep eye contact... but i look down and right, that's the factual one, isn't it csi fans?

i had dinner with my sister and her best friend tonight, and we spent hours having a real, wonderful conversation about everything under the sun in a little fast food chinese place. the finer points of ginza and the champs elysees on cheap wood-look laminate benches... perhaps i'm a bit obsessed with contrast, but you must admit it's a good one. it's really kind of amazing how educated and cultured we are now for kids who spent their childhoods in everything k-mart. i suppose that's the american dream at work, although they say it may not survive even through my generation. i love to be around people who not only dream big dreams, but are structured and driven enough to make them work. and these girls are. it's kind of odd to me how i've wandered off from the crowd of my chosen peers in this respect, because i don't think i have a close friend who won't make an impact; but i am a child of tangents and hopefully this is just a new larger scale.

i always kind of thought that my college experience would be full of meaningful conversations, but it was truly devoid of them, especially and amazingly in comparison to high school. i've decided this is because su was full of nerds who were slightly burnt out on life and trying to fit themselves into the social structure of high school coolness like they were never able to do -- because when you're just up against other nerds you have a better chance, right? whatever it was, it made me sad. but i ultimately found depth and breadth when i went pointedly looking for it, and i suppose that's what counts. besides, it's swirling around me again now like i... need it to.

at any rate, i realized once again that i will never be able to remain in one place. there is just so much i need to explore. is it possible that i fit too well in too many spots to restrict myself to one, and that this is not only positive, but necessary?