more parentheses than you can shake a stick at

i want an on/off switch for my brain. ideally, i could control different parts individually and therefore be rational and intellectual on command, for example. (rational. me. that's funny*) motivation would, um, also be an excellent thing to have control over. i'm even wise enough now to not try to leave it on autopilot. but if i could just find it when i need it... sigh.

i'm not gonna be picky, though. just let me control the entire thing at once. i could do it by blinking or something. wiggling my eyebrows. i don't care. well, yes i do... farting would be rather... noticeable (yep, i went there. i spend too much time with 19 year old boys, leave me alone). but anyways. i just want a way to make it stop occasionally so i can go on with life. or go on with nothing at all, blissful and ignorant and the whole bit. to actually be able to sleep on the nights that i know i have to get up at 3 am instead of tossing and turning and dozing in maniacal half dreams, trapped inside myself. (i also want to stop dreaming about packing, but that's a side note. all i know is it's way stressful. better than the ninth grade english teacher dream i get when i know i've done something terribly wrong, though...). most of all, i want to be able to stop obsessing. i've had some of the same damn obsessions since i was seven years old. please, please release me already. it's fine for a while. a year or two, even. but at some point the endless loop inside my head really must be changed. replace it with another endless loop on a regular basis, at this point it's better than nothing. just make it go away. or let me turn it off, like i said.


* but rational does seem to be a favorite word with me. along with effective and efficient (which i regularly confuse now, a consequence of being away from econ for too long. well, that or senility.) and, of course, amuse, wonder, and fabulous. oh, and umlaut and arapahoe, because they're fun. oh yeah, and fanfuckingtastic; it's so versatile. hahaha, note how many of the above are regularly applied sarcastically...